Easier

It's been a while since I have posted anything here. Something has been on my mind this week and I really need to write it down so I can just let it go. Please excuse me as I ramble.

I realize that life is not supposed to be easy. If it was easy, it would be boring. But, I kind of thought it was going to be a little easier.

I remember an episode of The West Wing. Toby, Josh, and Donna had been left behind by the motorcade in Indiana. They got stuck trying to get to the airport. Then a massive storm hit and their flight was delayed. Toby and Josh were sitting at a hotel bar when they started talking to a guy who was in town to visit Notre Dame with his daughter. He told Toby and Josh that he didn't expect life to be easy, he just wished it were a little easier. He didn't mind working hard, he just wanted to be able to send his daughter to the college of her choice.

Obviously I am not preparing to send my child to college...heck, we aren't even to preschool yet (yes, I realize that before I blink he will be driving...blah blah). But, you know, I worked hard and got a Master's Degree. My husband did the same. I worked hard and got a job that I really love. My husband has faced a lot of difficulties. He has not been able to find a job doing what he wants to do. I feel horrible about that. I know how frustrated he is.

I just wish that I didn't have to struggle financially. I don't need millions and millions, but I would love to not live paycheck to paycheck. I would like to not have to worry about how to provide for my family. I just want it to be a little easier...that's all.

I want to buy a bigger house. I want to move to Edwardsville to be closer to my family. I want to have another baby sooner rather than later. I want to be able to buy my son everything that he needs in life.

I realize that I have so much to be thankful for. My son is beautiful and healthy. My husband makes me laugh every day. Sometimes it is just easier to think of all the things you wish you had than to be thankful for the things you already have. I'll work on that.