29 Weeks

I haven't updated this in forever. I am horrible! I reached 29 weeks in my pregnancy today. My little man seems to be doing very well. He moves around frequently and seems to be getting bigger. We had a 3D ultrasound last weekend...it was the most amazing experience of my life thusfar. Seeing that sweet little face on the screen was awesome. He has chubby little cheeks and the tech even said that he has hair already (which would probably explain all of the heartburn I have been having).

I can't really complain about pregnancy up to this point. I haven't been sick, I'm not experiencing any swelling so far. I have only gained 11 or 12 pounds up to this point. My only real complaint is that I have started having some heart palpitations. They were so bad early last week that I actually went to the doctor about them. All of my books indicated that palpitations were normal but that they would just last for a couple minutes. Mine were happening the whole day--for two days straight. Of course, they stopped as soon as I got to the doctors office. But, he decided to do some blood work and check for a couple things. I haven't heard anything back from them...or about my glucose screening. I go back to the doctor on Monday (I'm starting to go every two weeks now) so I guess I will hear all about the blood work then.

We got the crib put together, the nursery painted, and the chair rail put up. My baby shower is in two weeks...I am super excited about that! I don't feel at all prepared to have a baby, so I am hoping that I will feel a bit more prepared after I get "stuff" at the shower.

My main focus right now is making sure that I have a healthy baby boy. I love him so much already and can't wait to plant a big kiss on that little head!

In other news, I am rather stressed at work right now. There is a lot going on and my boss was acting kind of odd this afternoon. Who knows...maybe he was just having a not so good day (that or he just wanted to go home instead of staying for a 6:30pm meeting). I am hoping that tomorrow will be a little better. At least tomorrow is Thursday and I get to have a quiet weekend.

That's about it for now! Have a great rest of the week.

Failure

Today, I feel like a failure as a wife. You see, my wonderful husband has been job searching for a long time. He received his master's degree nearly two years ago and has not been able to find a job in his field. He currently has a job...it's just not overly conducive to the life we are about to have with our unborn child (i.e. he works a lot of evenings and weekends). I just want him to have a job that has mainly regular hours. I mean, my job isn't strictly nine to five, but most evenings and weekends, I can be at home...with a few exceptions. I have just been having this realization this week that in a couple months, I am going to spending most of my time alone with a newborn while he is working. Our schedules are just so opposite.

He feels like a complete failure for not being able to find a job. I know this...yet I keep pestering him about it. I can't just let it go...he knows this baby is coming in a few months, so why do I feel the need to remind him? I just want to feel like there is a plan in place. And right now, I don't know what the plan is. So, I keep bringing it up. And he gets frustrated. Then, I feel bad for nagging him...and that's when I realize I am a horrible wife. It's an awful feeling. I just want to feel secure. Is that asking too much?

Let's get real

So, I hit a wall this weekend. Up until now, pregnancy has been great. It's been an experience filled with a lot of excitement. I have been very fortunate to have had a fairly easy pregnancy (knock on wood). That part hasn't changed. However, today, I realized that "holy crap, this kid is coming in a few months!!" The realization came when my friend Jenn called me and said "do you want to go shopping with me this afternoon?" I agreed to go...but then it hit me...that I wouldn't be able to just drop everything and do whatever I wanted to in a few months.

You should know that I am fiercely independent person. I want to do what I want, when I want. I don't want to ask anyone's permission before I go do something. I know that my life is going to change when the baby comes. I also know that I am going to love him with all my heart and that I will be a good mom. But, I have this fear that maybe I will resent him for taking away some of my independence.

I am absolutely sure that this is a very normal feeling to be having a few months before the arrival of your first child. I feel really guilty for even thinking like this though. Having a baby is all that I have wanted for a long time. My wonderful husband is so excited...I think he has told the whole world that we are having a boy. It's hard not to be excited when I see the smile on his face as he kisses my belly.

I know that days like this...full of uneasiness and uncertainty are just going to continue to become more common. But, at the end of the day, I just want to have a healthy, happy baby boy. I can't wait to meet him!

It's A...

Well, last week we went to the doctor for our 20 week ultrasound. I believe that I have mentioned in the past that I am very impatient, so obviously I wanted to know whether we were having a boy or a girl. I had been having dreams that they weren't able to tell me what it was, and I was devastated! However, that did not happen! As the ultrasound tech was looking around, she took a lot of measurements, and was telling us what everything was. My poor husband just had this look on his face like "I have no clue what I am looking at" most of the time. Sure he saw the head, but then she started pointing out the kidneys and stuff...and well, she lost him.

But, eventually, she said "so you want to know the gender?" Um, yes please! So...drumroll please...we are having a boy! Okay, I have to be completely, brutally honest. I had about two seconds of disappointment. I was really hoping for a girl. I've only ever been around girls, so I honestly don't know what to expect with a boy. But, that disappointment seriously lasted two seconds. He is healthy and growing as he should be. So, little Jack will be joining our family in May.

I have spent time registering for all sorts of cute baby stuff. Last weekend, I bought a crib. Now I just have to get my brother in law over here to paint the nursery so we can put the crib together! Can't wait! My baby shower date is set for April 4...it all seems so far away, but I know the next couple months will fly by and he will be here before I know it!

Can't I just be a lady of leisure?

One of the best parts of my job is that I get a ridiculous amount of time off at the holidays. Thus, I have been off work for the past two weeks. I have to go back to work on Monday...and I am dreading it! I know that everyone (save for a few really lucky millionaires and heiresses) has to work, but I just wanted to whine for a moment.

I love my job. I really, really do. I think that it is harder for me to go back this time because I know that the semester is going to be rough for me. It's going to be tough to get through a lot of events as I get bigger and more pregnant. But, people do it all the time, so I am sure that I will survive. My wonderful husband will help me out...

Speaking of pregnancy...Hubby and I find out the sex of the baby in about two weeks. We are both so excited. However, not quite as excited as I was when I felt the baby move for the first time last weekend. We have been trying to get hubby to catch the movement all week, and we think he finally felt it yesterday. The look he got on his face was amazing. It was this look for joy and excitement. So, things are progressing nicely. I am getting nervous, which I suppose is normal. I was holding my six month old niece a couple days ago and realized that I have so much to learn. I mean, what do I do when I bring this kid home? I don't know how to care for a baby all the time. Ugh...

17 weeks...and counting

As shocking as it is, I am 17 weeks pregnant. I absolutely can't believe it. Time is really flying by. I went to the doctor yesterday and everything is fine. Baby's heartbeat was nice and strong and baby was apparently kicking away (the doctor said he could feel it...I still haven't felt anything yet...at least I don't know that I feel it). The only odd thing was that I lost two pounds. Which means that I now weigh less than when I went to the doctor for my very first appointment at about 8 weeks. The doctor wasn't at all concerned because the baby is growing and seems to be very happy in there. He said that I would gain weight when I needed to and that as long as I am eating, everything is fine. So, I'm not going to worry about it. My mom said that she only gained 18 pounds with me and 16 pounds with my sister and was back into regular clothes within a couple weeks of having each of us. So, maybe I won't gain that much weight. Or, I'm about to blow up like a balloon and gain 30 pounds over the next couple months. But, we are very excited about our next appointment on January 19...when we get to find out whether little boo boo is a boy or a girl.

With that, I will leave you all with a Happy Holidays! I hope that the next few days are filled with family, friends, and a lot of good memories.

Updates--I'm a bad blogger

Okay, so I am a horrible blogger. I log on to the site every day and catch up on my favorite blogs but I just have no motivation to write an entry. So, here is an update of my life since Thanksgiving.

The day after Thanksgiving, I started a pattern of not being able to sleep. This pattern has continued for the past few weeks. One night, I sleep fine, the next night, I spend most of my night tossing and turning. I expected to have trouble sleeping later in pregnancy, but not this early.

Speaking of pregnancy...I still don't feel pregnant. I'm 16 weeks and I am still having a hard time even remembering that I'm pregnant some days. I am ready to start showing...to have to wear ugly maternity pants! I know that is ridiculous. I'm kind of in between right now...my normal clothes are getting a little snug, but I don't feel like I can justify wearing maternity clothes yet. I'm ready to feel baby move...baby daddy (it cracks me up to call him that) is really excited for that too.

Otherwise, it's been really, really boring in my little world. I have been working and getting ready for a delightfully long Christmas break. We finished a semester worth of programming--rather successfully I might add. I can't believe that the semester is over though. It absolutely flew by. I am looking forward to the Spring semester, though I know that it will get harder as baby gets bigger...and I get bigger. I finished teaching my class, which was a big sigh of relief. I like teaching the class, but it wears me out.

So, yeah, this is the most boring post ever. I'm sorry. I will do better next time!

Thankful

While I should be a better person and think about all of the things that I am thankful for every day, I tend to really think about it at this time of year. So, here are the things I am thankful for right now:

• My amazing husband who loves me unconditionally, even when my raging hormones are out of control.
• My family that is always there for me and that entertains me on a daily basis.
• A job that I love (on most days)
• A baby on the way that seems to be growing and progressing just perfectly. I am not sure how it is possible to love something that you haven't met yet, so much...but I do.
• My friends--without whom I would be completely lost
• My DVR (okay, I have to put something on here that is a little frivolous). I mean, seriously, how did we live without this invention??

Have a great Thanksgiving! I hope that it's full of delicious foods, lots of family and friends, and great times.

1 year ago...

One year ago this weekend, I was at my best friend's wedding out of town. It was the weekend after Thanksgiving. We left at about noon on Friday and drove the three hours to her soon-to-be husbands hometown. Hubby (then my new fiance) and I checked into our hotel. One of my other friends arrived about an hour and a half after us and started talking about the fact that they were delayed because of a really bad accident on the interstate near our home. I didn't really think anything of it. We went about our business of the weekend. My friend got married on Saturday...we had the ceremony, the reception, etc. It was a fun evening...lots of fun stories (but that's for another post). On Sunday, we had breakfast and then we got on the road.

When I got home, I sat down to check my email and to see what had been going on. I got onto the local TV channel's website to see if anything important had happened in the couple days since we had been gone. I saw a story about the car accident that my friend had mentioned on Friday. I clicked on the link and started to read the story. I got about three sentences into the article when my heart sank.

I need to tell you that, at my university, in addition to my regular job, I also teach a class for freshman. It's called University Experience. It's a two credit hour class that introduces students to life in college. We do a lot of work...it's definitely not a blow off class. But, it's a lot of fun.

So, back to the story. I read the first two lines and then read the names of the two victims: two sisters, an 18 year old and her 13 year old. The 18 year old, was a student in my class. I was absolutely heartbroken. She was a very sweet girl that I had really enjoyed having in class. She was beautiful, but she didn't seem stuck up like some of those beautiful little college freshmen girls did. She talked with everyone in the class, volunteered to work with people that others didn't really want to work with. She was just an all around good kid.

I dreaded going to class on Tuesday. I teach this class with another staff member, so we discussed what we wanted to do. We knew that we needed to talk about it with them. So, we brought a staff person from Counseling Services over. We had plans to meet in the University Center that day because we were going to be starting on a new project. I found everyone in the class and had them go to a quiet room. We all sat down and we talked about what had happened. Some of them hadn't heard about it, while others had. Many tears were shed. I had a hard time talking with them about it. In fact, it was probably the most difficult thing I have had to do in my professional life. I will never forget the looks on their faces.

I think that for me, it was terribly upsetting because I kept thinking about my freshman year of college when three of my high school classmates were killed in a car accident in October. They were twin sisters and one of their boyfriends. It was incredibly sad. I remember waiting in line for hours at the funeral home to pay my respects. So, for me, sitting there with my students, I knew exactly what they were feeling.

I can't believe it's been a year. This past week, on Tuesday, we met with our class in the University Center to assign them the project that the class was set to discuss that day last year. I couldn't help but think back and to be incredibly sad.

The case will go to trial sometime next year, and all the memories will come back. The person that hit the girls was a state trooper going 127 miles an hour when he lost control of the car and crossed the center median and slammed into their car...I can only hope that he gets the punishment that he deserves for taking these two beautiful lives. While I barely knew her, I know that there are many, many people who miss her (and her sister) every single day.

So, as the one year anniversary approaches on Sunday, I hope that everyone will think about these two and their family. I know they are terribly missed.

Election and stuff

So, I will start this blog by saying that I am a Democrat. However, I promise you that my blog will not be political. But, I had to say something about that historic event that took place on Tuesday. I voted for Obama...and was so excited to watch the election results. As I sat there, watching the returns come in, I was overcome with emotions. At 10:00PM central time, the screen flashed with a photo of Obama and the words "44th President of the United States." I was so excited. I can't even describe the way I felt at that moment. About an hour later, I was lying in bed when Barack gave his speech. I had chills through the whole thing. It was absolutely amazing. I think that he will heal our country.



That night was also sad...I can't believe California passed the ban on same-sex marriage. I was so sure that it would pass...in California of all places. I just don't understand...why can't we just let everyone have the right to get married? I don't understand the people that say "what next...a man wanting to marry a sheep?" First...that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Second, if someone wants to marry a sheep, then go right ahead...it has absolutely no impact on my life. Just like it doesn't matter if two men or two women want to get married. On the day that we elected an African American to the highest position in our country....just a few short decades after segregation ended...I thought that perhaps we would progress in another aspect as well. Obviously I was very wrong. I'm hoping tht the courts will stop this decision.