Fear

I wish that fear didn't overcome me all the time. I am afraid of everything. Okay, when I say everything, I don't actually mean everything. I'm not afraid of spiders, or water, or heights. I'm afraid of things that I can't control...like someone I love dying. I'm not one of those people that is afraid of dying herself (well, more on that in a minute). I'm more afraid of being left behind if one of my loved ones were to die.

Ever since I have had Jack, my fear has reached an all time high. I worry about everything! I worry that he isn't eating enough, that he's eating too much, that he has a fever, that he isn't sleeping enough, that he isn't reaching milestones when someone else says he should. But, most of all, I worry about what would happen if he had to grow up without me.

This has been constantly on my mind for about two weeks. You see, I am leaving for a conference in Boston on Friday. I will be gone from Friday morning until Wednesday morning. I have cried nearly every day thinking about my sweet baby boy. I am sad about leaving him, but I am freaking out about flying. I hate flying in general. I have always had a fear of flying (okay, not the flying part...the possibility of plummeting from the sky).

I just want to have a safe trip and to get safely back to my house to hug that baby boy. I hate letting fear overtake my life. I'm trying not to let it, but I have to say, I'm not being very successful. But, how can you not want to get home to this sweet face??