Saturday, January 31, 2009

Let's get real

So, I hit a wall this weekend. Up until now, pregnancy has been great. It's been an experience filled with a lot of excitement. I have been very fortunate to have had a fairly easy pregnancy (knock on wood). That part hasn't changed. However, today, I realized that "holy crap, this kid is coming in a few months!!" The realization came when my friend Jenn called me and said "do you want to go shopping with me this afternoon?" I agreed to go...but then it hit me...that I wouldn't be able to just drop everything and do whatever I wanted to in a few months.

You should know that I am fiercely independent person. I want to do what I want, when I want. I don't want to ask anyone's permission before I go do something. I know that my life is going to change when the baby comes. I also know that I am going to love him with all my heart and that I will be a good mom. But, I have this fear that maybe I will resent him for taking away some of my independence.

I am absolutely sure that this is a very normal feeling to be having a few months before the arrival of your first child. I feel really guilty for even thinking like this though. Having a baby is all that I have wanted for a long time. My wonderful husband is so excited...I think he has told the whole world that we are having a boy. It's hard not to be excited when I see the smile on his face as he kisses my belly.

I know that days like this...full of uneasiness and uncertainty are just going to continue to become more common. But, at the end of the day, I just want to have a healthy, happy baby boy. I can't wait to meet him!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It's A...

Well, last week we went to the doctor for our 20 week ultrasound. I believe that I have mentioned in the past that I am very impatient, so obviously I wanted to know whether we were having a boy or a girl. I had been having dreams that they weren't able to tell me what it was, and I was devastated! However, that did not happen! As the ultrasound tech was looking around, she took a lot of measurements, and was telling us what everything was. My poor husband just had this look on his face like "I have no clue what I am looking at" most of the time. Sure he saw the head, but then she started pointing out the kidneys and stuff...and well, she lost him.

But, eventually, she said "so you want to know the gender?" Um, yes please! So...drumroll please...we are having a boy! Okay, I have to be completely, brutally honest. I had about two seconds of disappointment. I was really hoping for a girl. I've only ever been around girls, so I honestly don't know what to expect with a boy. But, that disappointment seriously lasted two seconds. He is healthy and growing as he should be. So, little Jack will be joining our family in May.

I have spent time registering for all sorts of cute baby stuff. Last weekend, I bought a crib. Now I just have to get my brother in law over here to paint the nursery so we can put the crib together! Can't wait! My baby shower date is set for April all seems so far away, but I know the next couple months will fly by and he will be here before I know it!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Can't I just be a lady of leisure?

One of the best parts of my job is that I get a ridiculous amount of time off at the holidays. Thus, I have been off work for the past two weeks. I have to go back to work on Monday...and I am dreading it! I know that everyone (save for a few really lucky millionaires and heiresses) has to work, but I just wanted to whine for a moment.

I love my job. I really, really do. I think that it is harder for me to go back this time because I know that the semester is going to be rough for me. It's going to be tough to get through a lot of events as I get bigger and more pregnant. But, people do it all the time, so I am sure that I will survive. My wonderful husband will help me out...

Speaking of pregnancy...Hubby and I find out the sex of the baby in about two weeks. We are both so excited. However, not quite as excited as I was when I felt the baby move for the first time last weekend. We have been trying to get hubby to catch the movement all week, and we think he finally felt it yesterday. The look he got on his face was amazing. It was this look for joy and excitement. So, things are progressing nicely. I am getting nervous, which I suppose is normal. I was holding my six month old niece a couple days ago and realized that I have so much to learn. I mean, what do I do when I bring this kid home? I don't know how to care for a baby all the time. Ugh...