Saturday, January 31, 2009

Let's get real

So, I hit a wall this weekend. Up until now, pregnancy has been great. It's been an experience filled with a lot of excitement. I have been very fortunate to have had a fairly easy pregnancy (knock on wood). That part hasn't changed. However, today, I realized that "holy crap, this kid is coming in a few months!!" The realization came when my friend Jenn called me and said "do you want to go shopping with me this afternoon?" I agreed to go...but then it hit me...that I wouldn't be able to just drop everything and do whatever I wanted to in a few months.

You should know that I am fiercely independent person. I want to do what I want, when I want. I don't want to ask anyone's permission before I go do something. I know that my life is going to change when the baby comes. I also know that I am going to love him with all my heart and that I will be a good mom. But, I have this fear that maybe I will resent him for taking away some of my independence.

I am absolutely sure that this is a very normal feeling to be having a few months before the arrival of your first child. I feel really guilty for even thinking like this though. Having a baby is all that I have wanted for a long time. My wonderful husband is so excited...I think he has told the whole world that we are having a boy. It's hard not to be excited when I see the smile on his face as he kisses my belly.

I know that days like this...full of uneasiness and uncertainty are just going to continue to become more common. But, at the end of the day, I just want to have a healthy, happy baby boy. I can't wait to meet him!

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