Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Well, Jack was born six weeks ago today. I don't know where the time has gone. I have to go back to work in two weeks...and I'm not happy about it at all! I even went and bought a lottery ticket yesterday in the hopes that I would win the $94 million prize so I could just stay at home. I'm not looking forward to leaving my baby boy behind.

Anyway. I go to the doctor today for my six week checkup. I should be cleared for all activities...not that I haven't pretty much been doing what I want. I'm hoping that I will be able to get my doctor to say that I am cleared to go back to work as of next Monday as opposed to clearing me for tomorrow. I am not going back to work until July 15, but once I am cleared by him I can't use my sick time, I have to just use vacation. I have plenty of vacation time, but we have are planning a trip out to Arizona in the fall and then my whole family will be going to Mexico in the spring. Should be good times!

On a sad note, I can't believe that Michael Jackson AND Billy Mays died this week. That's so sad! Ryan feels personally responsible for Billy Mays death...that's a long story! And am I the only one that thinks that Farrah Faucet got screwed because Michael Jackson died the same day she did? She kind of got pushed to the end of all the newscasts. And really, is anyone still talking about her death? Not really. However about half of the Today Show this morning was about Michael Jackson.

Anywho...I'm going to do a couple things before Jack wakes up from his nap! Have a lovely Tuesday.

Monday, June 22, 2009


So, I have been struggling to write this post for a couple weeks. But, I'm finally ready to really write it.

So, anyone that knows me knows that my parents are divorced...and have been since I was six. Because of this, I'm close really only with my moms family. Of my moms family, my grandparents were the people that I was closest with. My grandma babysat me and my sister (and about two dozen other kids over the years). My grandpa was the only constant male influence in my life.

My grandparents were everything to me. My grandpa got sick...asbestoses...and passed away three years ago (July 11, 2006). I was absolutely devastated. (there is a side story of my grandpa passing away...Ryan and I went on our first official date on July 2 of that year. He came to my grandpa's funeral and it was literally that day that I knew we would be together for a very long time). I digress...

So, my grandma has been sick for a long time. But, she is a tough lady. This spring, she got pneumonia and ended up in the hospital and then in a nursing home for rehabilitation for a couple weeks. But, she got home. She was so excited for Jack to arrive. She love, love, loved babies. As you know, he came two weeks early. She couldn't wait to meet him. She didn't get to the hospital to meet him, so the Saturday after he was born (on May 23), I took him to her house and she met him. She was so excited to see him. That week, I brought him to her house several times.

You see, about a week before Jack was born, my grandma was put on Hospice care. We were told that she was going on it because her time with Home Health Care (the lovely people that had been coming a couple times a week since she came home from the Nursing Home) was running out (basically Medicare wouldn't pay for it anymore). In order to keep people coming to the house, they had to put her on Hospice. We had gone through this with my grandpa previously, so we knew what to expect.

However, the week that Jack was born, we were told that Grandma probably only had about two weeks to live. Then on Thursday the week after he was born, the hospice nurse told my mom that she didn't think Grandma would make it through the weekend. Imagine being all hormonal after just having a child and then learning that you were going to lose one of your favorite people in the world. I was a mess. On Friday my mom called me and said that she didn't think that it more than a day or so. I dropped Jack off at Ryan's parents and headed to grandma's house. I sat there for a couple hours before finally heading home that evening. My mom said she would call me if anything happened over night.

That night, I was asleep with Jack on the couch and I had a dream. It was my grandpa and he was telling me that he was with grandma and that she was okay. I woke up and was convinced that she had passed away and expected my mom to call. But, she didn't. The next morning I got to her house with Jack as soon as I could. My whole family just sat there and basically waited for her to pass away. She finally did at about 1:30 that afternoon. My sister was holding Jack sitting next to her. My mom, stepdad, and I were outside taking a break when it happened. it was so sad.

We miss grandma so much. But, we know that we took care of her. My mom promised my grandpa that she would take care of grandma and that we would keep her at home. We were able to do that.

We found out after she passed that she had a conversation with her best friend the week before Jack was born. Her friend talked about being tired and being ready to go. My grandma said that she wasn't ready yet because she had a baby coming. She was just waiting for Jack. So, the last picture we have of her is this one...with her newest great-grandson that she already loved so much.

I love you and miss you very much Grandma. Thank you for all you did to make me the person that I am today.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

One Month

Jack--I can't believe you are one month old already! Where has the time gone. Some things about you right now...

You love to be in your swing and take a nap. Daddy and I have vowed to never let the swing be without batteries!

You enjoy being propped up in the boppy pillow while mommy gets ready. I think that it makes you feel like I big boy to be sitting up.

You love to stare at fans--even if they are not on. People tell me that you can't see that far. I don't believe that for a second. You obviously see something up there!

Speaking of what you can see...you love to stare at the TV. I know you have no clue what you are looking at...but you stare! Your favorite thing is when we watch Cardinals games.

You still refuse to sleep anywhere except in your car seat. You refuse to to sleep laying flat. We are working on that, but it's not going so well. Daddy and I hope to have you sleeping in your bed by the time you are two months old.

You are wearing size one diapers (such a big boy) but are still mainly wearing newborn clothes. You can wear some 0-3 months items (especially onesies--shorts/pants are an issue because you don't have a butt to hold them up). You have already outgrown your newborn shoes.

You like to go on walks in your stroller (though it's currently WAY too hot outside to go for a walk.)

You love to take naps on the couch with mom. We have a routine of taking a nap in the morning after daddy leaves for work. It's moms favorite time of the day.

You are starting to smile so much more now. You have a time every morning when you are awake that you just smile at mommy. I'm so glad that I have caught these smiles on camera so that I can share them with daddy.

You are waking up about two times every night to eat. We go to bed sometime between 10 and 11 and then you get up around 3AM to have your diaper changed and to eat. You then go back to sleep and wake up around 6 or 6:30 for another feeding. This is much better than those first nights at home!

You recently started getting cereal in your night time bottle to help with some reflux you were having. We are hoping that this will help you sleep more at night.

You are starting to make noises and sometimes even scare yourself as you make a noise!

You love to lay on your changing table for a few minutes after a diaper change and just look around. Mom loves to talk to you during this time.

You enjoy taking baths and then having lotion put on your arms and legs.

All in all, you are a great little boy. You have added a great deal of joy to my life! Happy one month birthday baby boy! Mommy loves you!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Being a mom--after 1 month

I can't believe it...but my baby boy will be a whole month old tomorrow. It absolutely doesn't seem possible. We are getting more comfortable, though I honestly still feel overwhelmed some days. The fact that I am completely responsible for this little person never escapes my mind. He is so helpless. It's amazing how much he has changed in just one month. I mean, we have gone from this:
to this in four short weeks
He is just so freaking cute. I know that I am absolutely biased. But, come on...look at that little face!!

Don't get me wrong. I have my moments. Okay, I have a lot of moments when I can't help but think of my life before Jack. The freedom to just go somewhere without planning for days was wonderful. Heck, the freedom to just go to the bathroom whenever I wanted to was great (and something I miss on occasion when Mr. Jack won't let me put him down so I can pee). My friends can all go out, go to concerts, and do whatever they want without thinking about it. I don't have that luxury anymore. Believe me...I have about 20 people that will babysit anytime I want. But, I don't want to be one of those people that dumps her kid just so she can go out. That said, I am very excited to go to my friend Nikki's wedding this weekend and to enjoy some time with my husband. Jack will be spending the night with his Aunt Jenny so mom and dad can have a whole night away (we even got a hotel room. Woohoo).

All that said...I absolutely love my baby boy. He makes my day happier. Especially when I see this...
I know it's blurry, but it's the first absolutely huge grin he has given me while awake (he smiles a lot in his sleep...but that doesn't count). This absolutely melted my heart.

Sunday, June 14, 2009


So, I spent last night at the emergency room with my baby. He started projectile vomiting yesterday and couldn't keep anything down. I knew that wasn't normal, so I called the after hours number for our pediatrician. They decided that it would be best to take him to the ER since he is so little.

We arrived at the ER at Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital at about 11:30 last night. We spent a little over three hours there. We were basically told that they thought Jack might have pyloric stenosis which is a condition where a muscle at the entrance to the stomach grows too much and keeps food from getting into the stomach properly. The doctor tried to do an ultrasound since the radiology people were gone for the evening. He couldn't see what he needed to see, so he decided that we needed to come back in the morning for an ultrasound.

There was no sleep for us when we got home...I was so so worried. You see, if he did have this condition, the only treatment would be surgery. The thought of my baby having surgery was too much for me.

We went to the hospital again today and had the ultrasound. Thankfully it was normal, so we think that baby boy has acid reflux. We will follow up with his pediatrician tomorrow and hopefully he will get some medicine so he isn't throwing up so much.

I guess this is just the beginning of my worrying and freaking out about my baby being sick and hurting. All I know is that I would have done anything last night to make him feel better.

Saturday, June 13, 2009


Wow...it's been forever. But, here I am...attempting to get back into the blogging world. So, my last post was on May 17, 2009. That was a Sunday. In that post I discussed my doctors appointment the next day. Well, that doctors appointment turned into more than I bargained for! I went in and waited for an hour while my doctor was delivering a baby and then was taken to a room. When I was finally seen I told the doctor that I hadn't been feeling the baby move much at all over the past day. He said that it was probably nothing but that he would feel better if I went down for a non-stress test in the labor and delivery area. So, away I went. I fully expected to be strapped to a monitor for about a half an hour and then be sent on my way.

So, I get all hooked up and they turn on the TV for me. I sit there and watch some Price is Right (Am I the only one that misses Bob Barker??). After about 15 minutes, the nurse comes in and brings me some apple juice and graham crackers. She says that sugar will usually get the baby moving. And, well, it does. He moves a couple times...but then all hell breaks loose. I am watching the heart rate on the monitor and after I drank the apple juice, his heart rate plummets from in the 140's to the 70's. I've never seen a nurse run into the room so quickly (and still haven't). She waits while his heart rate returns to normal and then tells me she is going to call the doctor. A few minutes later, she is back telling me that the doctor wants some blood work run and that he wants me to have an ultrasound. So, the blood draw occurs, I give a urine sample (the second one of that day) and then I'm off to radiology.

Now, at this point, I'm still not concerned or worried. I figure that baby is fine...and I'm ready to have the kid anyway, so it's okay. Well, I go for the ultrasound...which is one where they watch him for a half an hour and look for movement and also for breathing motions. 15 minutes in they haven't seen either. Now, his heart rate is perfectly fine...but even with poking and prodding, he isn't budging. They finally see breathing motions about 20 minutes in. At 30 minutes, he still hasn't moved. Then the technician says "I'll be back in just a minute". She returns with another person and they start looking at something on the monitor. For a full five minutes they talk in hushed tones and I have a meltdown. They can't tell me what they are looking at they just tell me to ask the doctor. I start bawling. They get me back to the room that I was in for the non-stress test and I call my mom (she is much, much closer to the hospital than my husband who I am also in contact with). I ask mom to come to the hospital because I am freaking out.

My doctor arrives about 10 minutes later and tells me that he is slightly concerned because of the drop in heart rate and the fact that baby failed the ultrasound test (darnit Jack, you failed your first test!). He indicates that he would like to induce labor that day. Baby will be better off out of the uterus than he is in there. I agree. So, they get me into a room and get me all hooked up to an IV and to the monitors and at 4:45 that afternoon they insert the cervadil which will help my labor progress.

The whole labor story would be rather long...but here are the highlights. I get the cervadil and have to lay flat on my back for two hours. it's horrible. Laying on your back is normally no big deal...but when you are 85 months pregnant and haven't laid on your back for about 7 months, its torture. So, at 6:45 I am able to get up. At this point, things are fine. I'm not feeling anything. The plan was for the cervadil to be in for 12 hours and at 4:45 in the morning they would start potocin. Well, I apparently had other plans. At about 9:00 that night, my water broke. My family had just left for the night and it was just Ryan and I there.

At about 10:30, I was in pain...horrible pain. I called my mom and told her that my water had broken and that I was hurting. About an hour later she decided to come back to the hospital. At about 2AM, I decided to get an epidural. I was expecting this to be slightly unpleasant, but I was excited for the relief it would provide. Yeah...then the nurse anesthetist arrived. I don't think he knew what he was doing. He had to stick me with the giant needle five times before he finally got it. Each time he would comment about how he was scraping the bone with the needle. Really? Cuz I'm pretty sure I can feel that buddy. So, he gets the epidural in and I lay down, excited that I will be in less pain and feeling good soon. Um, not so much. My epidural didn't really work. I had what's called a partial block...where parts of your body react but others don't. Unfortunately the area that I really needed to be numb didn't get numb. So, I was miserable.

Long story short, they gave me a delightful narcotic at about 1PM that didn't take the pain away but that made me loopy (I apparently told my sister to go get the car and to get me out of there). At 2:50PM it was determined that I was ready to push. The nurse told my mom that she thought I would probably push for two hours. Well, I was determined to get that kid out of there. He was born at 3:45PM (he would have been born sooner but my doctor wasn't there...and I had to not push for about 10 minutes...sweet jesus that was ridiculous). He was a whopping 7 pounds 14 ounces and was 19 inches long. Not too shabby for being two weeks early. I was exhausted and all I wanted was a shower and some food.

So, that's the story of how Jack Ryan came into the world. It was HORRIBLE (and no, I have not forgotten the pain yet), but he was worth it. I mean, look at this face...