Sunday, May 17, 2009


So, as I approach 38 weeks in my pregnancy I am getting super miserable. I can't put my own shoes on unless they are flip flops. I woke up this morning and my back is killing me. This is a very hard time because every new symptom or issue I have can actually also be symptom of pre-labor. I'm seriously ready for this baby to make his appearance. I go to the doctor tomorrow and I am seriously hoping that I will have made some progress in terms of dilating. I am also hoping that we will be able to set a date for an induction if I haven't had this baby. The doctor promised that he wouldn't let me go past my due date...which is now in two weeks. So, we will see. I'm going into my appointment very hopeful that we will have some new news to share. I'm afraid that I will leave the appointment in tears if nothing has changed and nothing is planned.

But, in the meantime, I'm off to enjoy my never know...I could have a little baby boy in my arms next Sunday!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

And an update...

Since I don't want to work today, it will be a two post day! This one will be very short. I went to the doctor on Monday for my 37 week appointment. I was really hoping that I had made some progress in terms of dilation from the previous week. Ummm...not so much. Still only a half centimeter dilated. I was devastated. As soon as the doctor left the room, I started crying. I couldn't stop myself! I felt like an idiot. I still technically have three weeks until my due date. But, I am so ready to have this baby! I just really thought that something else would be going on.

So, I go back to the doctor next Monday (May 18) and I have a list of options/questions to talk to him about. I am honestly hoping that he will schedule an induction date since he said that he won't let me go past my due date. He better stick to that or he will have one very angry pregnant woman. We will see. I'm going to try to enjoy the weekend...Ryan and I have a date set up for Saturday. We are going to go see Angels and Demons and then get some tropical sno (which is my current craving). We also have to do some cleaning at our house. That part isn't so much fun, but we need the house to be quasi-clean before baby comes home.

A letter to Jack

Ever since I found out I was expecting a little boy, I have been filling out an adorable little baby book for him. I'm determined to document my pregnancy and the first year of his life. In the book, there is a page for me to write a letter to Jack and for my husband to write a letter to him. I wrote my letter months ago. I have been trying to get the husband to write his for weeks, and he had promised to do so. You must understand that Ryan is a man of few words. He doesn't express his emotions well. When it comes to birthdays, Valentines Day, Mother's Day, etc. he always picks out cards with a lot of writing so that he doesn't have to write much. He always picks great cards that make me cry, so I don't mind. I know that he spends a lot of time finding the right card, so whether he wrote the words or Hallmark did, I know that the words mean something.

Finally on Tuesday night I told him that he absolutely had to write the letter to Jack that night. It was very important to me that both of those letters were written before his arrival. So, he started writing...there were numerous drafts. When I got home from work last night, I opened the baby book and read his letter. It was the most beautiful, thoughtful thing I had ever read. It was honest...he talked about how scared he was and how he worried he wouldn't be a good enough father. But he knew that had so many hopes and dreams for Jack...and that Jack was already his biggest accomplishment. I probably read that letter five times last night...and cried every time. It was like seeing my husband in a whole new way...and it was amazing.

I don't think that he has anything to worry about. He is going to be an incredible father to Jack. He loves him so much already (as I do) so I know that it will all be okay. So, it's now time for Mr. Jack to make his appearance. We absolutely cannot wait for him!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day! I am so excited to share the day with my family. Most importantly, I am very excited about the fact that I am about to become a mom for the first time. I can't wait to meet my little man very soon. I go to the doctor tomorrow to find out if I am making any progress. I have been having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions and some regular contractions that hurt a bit. I need to prepare myself for the pain that is coming my way. But, I am trying not to think about that. I am planning to get the lovely epidural, so I hope to not be in too much pain for too long. But, I know that it will all be worth it.

So, a very Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there...and to all those that are about to be become moms!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

No Baby Talk Today

So, after reading through my measly few posts, I have decided that I whine way too much about being pregnant. Thus, this is a whine-free, baby-free post!

As I have mentioned, I work at a University. I plan events for a living..and honestly, it's probably the best job in the world. I get to hang out with students all day and do fun things. I have met some really interesting people (I mean, I was hugged by porn star Ron Jeremy--it was my mom's proudest moment when she picked up a newspaper and my name was in the same sentence with Ron Jeremy's) because I have brought them to campus. It is an amazing gig.

It's the end of the semester. Tomorrow is the last day of finals for the kiddo's. That means it was time for me to complete my "end of the year stuff" for my boss. I was actually kind of impressed with myself. We put on 151 events this year. Over 28,500 people in total attended those events. We put on some extremely successful programs. I am really proud of all that we did this year.

While I absolutely love my job, I can't help but think about wanting to do something more. I know that I really always want to work in a university setting (unless the St. Louis Cardinals need a Special Events person--then I'm out of here!). I am hoping that I will be able to progress in my job...take on new responsibilities. But, we will see. My boss will be retiring in about two years, so I'm kind of hoping that something will come of that. We shall see.

Okay, I'm off to watch the end of American Idol. Danny better not get the boot...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Scared Out Of My Mind...

Well, I went to the doctor yesterday for my 36 week appointment. I knew that this would be the time that they would start checking to see if I was progressing at all. Well, I am about a half centimeter dilated. It's not a lot, but it's something. I was pretty excited. The doctor also told me that if I went into labor now, they wouldn't stop the labor, they would let Jack come. I left the doctor in a great mood and texted my husband to give him all the dirt. As I was sitting at home last night, my euphoric mood went away and it all hit me. This baby is coming sooner rather than later!

I was glad that hubby was at work last night, because I needed a moment to myself. I sat in the nursery for the longest time and just stared at everything. Sure I have been working on that room for months. Sure I have felt this baby move inside me since late December. But, it wasn't until yesterday that it truly hit me that I will be a mom in a couple weeks. It seems like such a huge task. I have been around a lot of babies. I have changed a ton of diapers. I have fed a lot of bottles. But these kids always belonged to someone else. It's easy to care for an infant when you have specific care instructions. When it is your own child, you have to make up the rules. You have to make the schedule. You are responsible for their well-being and happiness. My dear, dear husband had never even changed a diaper until I forced him to change our nephew last week. He is pretty clueless when it comes to babies. I know that he is relying on me to be the voice of reason in those early weeks. I just don't know how to do that when I am so unsure of myself.

Please don't get me wrong. I am so excited to welcome Jack into our family. And I feel extremely blessed that we were able to conceive him without any difficulties (because I know plenty of people that try for years and years with no success). But, there is still that fear of the unknown. Not to mention all of the things that can go wrong. I read a lot of blogs. I am actually very new to the blog thing...and probably one of the first blogs that I really read religiously was this one. If you haven't read it, I would encourage you to go back to the beginning (at least to here) and read it from March 2008 to the present day. I will warn you, it will absolutely break your heart (have the tissues ready). But, in all of the tears, there is so much hope. But, in spite of the undeniable sense of hope that I feel as I read the more recent posts, I can't shake the feeling that something like that could happen to me. What would my wonderful husband do if I weren't around to help him raise our beautiful baby boy. Life can change in the blink of an eye. You never know what is going to happen. I know that is one of the most beautiful parts of life--the absolute unknown. But, lets be realistic. It's also scary as hell. But, I am trying to go into the next few weeks, months, and years with the thought that everything will be perfectly wonderful. You have to believe that...otherwise it would be impossible to get out of the bed every morning.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Four More Weeks

Well, since I haven't posted anything since March, you would think I would have a lot to say. Not so much! I am now nearly 36 weeks pregnant. Baby Jack should be here soon! I can't believe it is almost time! His nursery is ready for him. We feel like we are ready for him. Now it is just a waiting game. I go to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully I will find out that I have made some sort of progress. We will see though.

I could go on and on about how scared I am, etc. But, that will have to wait for tomorrow.