Stress

I just need to ramble for a minute. This will probably not make much sense and will definitely not be presented in a cohesive fashion, so I understand if no one can read it!

I am getting ready to take Jack to his one year doctors appointment this afternoon. I have a huge pit in my stomach, because, I am very nervous. All everyone wants when they are pregnant is a healthy child. Minus some ear infections and colds, Jack has been pretty healthy. However, I can’t shake the feeling that there is something not quite right.

He seems to be delayed in some areas. While he babbles a lot, he doesn’t use many words. And, the ones that he does use, he doesn’t seem to use in a meaningful way. He does say what I think is ball when he is playing with the little basketballs we have in the bathtub. He also knows that I am mom. He doesn’t point at things that he wants or at items on a page in a book. He seems to be on target in the movement category. He was delayed in that area as well (he didn’t decide to crawl until he was over 10 months old). But, now he crawls like a mad man, he pulls up on the furniture, cruises around, and has even taken a few steps on his own. He’s not walking yet, but that’s normal. Only half of children actually walk by their first birthday. I’m not stressed about that.

He doesn’t really like to play with toys that much. He would carry around a tube of orajel or a bottle of lotion all day…but the tons of toys all over our living room…not so much. He does like books, but he doesn’t want you to read them to him. He would rather sit with the book and flip through the pages, looking at the pictures.

You hear so much about autism…and how boys are three or four times more likely to have it. I will fully admit, I am a hypochondriac. I always think that something is wrong with me or someone I love. However, mothers intuition is usually pretty good.

I am worried about what the doctor will say. I’m worried that she will completely dismiss my concerns (which I don’t think she will. I love our doctor and she really does listen to what we have to say and takes the time to answer our questions). Or, I am worried that she will be concerned about what I have to say.

I have discussed some of my concerns with Ryan. He doesn’t think that there is anything going on. I haven’t really mentioned this to anyone else, mainly because I feel quite crazy. I just want my baby to be happy and healthy throughout his life. I want to do everything I can to provide him with a great life.

So, I am getting ready to leave work to head to the pediatricians office. We will see what Dr. Hulsen has to say. I’m freaking out!

UPDATE

Well, we went to the doctor yesterday. I will have a post later today about all his stats, etc. However, I discussed my concerns with Dr. Hulsen. She was great and listened to everything that I had to say. She said that his lack of pointing could be cause for concern, but that just looking at Jack, she didn't think that we needed to be overly concerned. He follows conversations, he makes eye contact, he smiles, he talks (kids at his age are supposed to have one word, he has four that he uses regularly (mama, dada, up, and ball)) and babbles. She said that if it is something that I am truly concerned about that she would definitely send us for a developmental assessment. But, based on the things that we were telling her, she did not think that we needed to be overly concerned. So, I decided that I would wait and see what he is doing around the time of his 15 month checkup in August. If I am still feeling uneasy or some concern, then I am going to have her send us for the assessment...just so that I can have some peace of mind. Until then, I am going to attempt to not obsessively Google things!

It’s My Party

 

Okay, okay.  I realize that it has taken me forever to write about Jack’s birthday party!  I’ve been busy!  Sorry!

Jack was fortunate to have two celebrations for his birthday.  I’m a huge fan of birthdays!  I think that it is the one day that should be all about you!  I want to make Jack feel special every day, but I want him to feel extra special on his birthday. 

His actual birthday was on a Wednesday this year, so we decided to have dinner with just our parents and Ryan's sister Lindsay (my sister had to work).  Ryan’s parents offered to let us have dinner at their house since our house isn’t really conducive to a party of any kind (our living room and kitchen are tiny!). 

Since I had the day off, we decided to take Jack to have his one year pictures taken.  We went to Portrait Innovations in Fairview Heights (which is where we had his awesome Christmas photos taken).  I tried to schedule them at a time when he would be happy.  Yeah, that didn’t work so well. 

We got some gems like this one.  Yup, he was super happy!

But then there are cute ones like this one:

This is the only other picture we got that day where he was smiling.

We tried to do a wardrobe change and see if he would calm down.  We wanted some baseball photos, so we put on his little Albert Pujols jersey and went to see what we would get.  Yeah, what we got was little man throwing the ball at the photographer and pouting.

 

I like this next picture because this is how he sits all the time.  I think that he is practicing to be a catcher.  Watch out Yadier…here comes Jack!!

After the disastrous photo attempt (we have a certificate for a family photo session that I hope to use later in the summer.  Hopefully by then Jack will be walking…or more likely running around and will be more fun to photograph), we went home and let Jack nap for a while before we went to Ryan’s parents for dinner.

We had a nice dinner and then let Jack open some presents. 

 

He was very excited by the card in the picture above! 

Jack is obsessed with our laptops, so we got him a little laptop, in the hopes that he would stop trying to play with ours (it has not worked).  He does like to bang on the keys on this one though.

Then it was time for cake!  I figured that Jack would not have any problems digging into the cake, but I wanted him to make quite a mess! 

He was a little tentative at first

 

Eventually he dug in

What?

 

When I started to plan for Jack’s first birthday, the details were really important to me.  I plan events for a living, so I decided before I even had kids that I would put as much thought and effort into their parties as I do for an event at work.  That being said, I realize that Jack is only one and will not remember this party.  I didn’t go all out like I will when he gets older (I mean, I have connections….bounce houses, face painters, here we come!). 

I decided on a theme a long time ago…Jack would have a baseball themed birthday party.  He honestly does love baseball.  He has a baseball (a foul ball I caught at Busch Stadium on Ryan and my first date) and he chases it around the house all the time.  He has just figured out how to throw the ball.  So, the theme seemed like a no-brainer to me.  Plus, if he really is a baseball fanatic, we can have another baseball party when he gets older. 

The first thing I did was design the invitations.  I combined a couple of the ones that I found online and just made them myself.  It was cheaper and I liked them better. 

This was the front of the invitation (I ended up printing this on 5x7 photo paper so that it was glossy and the photos looked nicer)

This was the back.  I printed it on card stock and just used double sided tape to secure it to the back of the photo paper.  I thought that they turned out super cute!

Once the invitations were done, I started working on the decorations and food.  The food was easy…we went with ballpark food and had hamburgers and hot dogs, nachos, and then picnic kind of side items.  It was quite delicious. 

We ordered the St. Louis Cardinals cake (sorry Cubs fans!) from Wood Bakery in O’fallon.  The cake turned out super cute and was pretty delicious. 

I really wanted Jack’s cake to be a baseball, but I seriously couldn’t  get anyone to make a baseball cake.  It’s not that hard people!  It’s a cake, frosted with white icing, and slap some red stitching on it.  I could have gotten the cake from St. Louis but I just refused to drive over there for a $6 cake.  So, we went with this cake from the Dierberg’s bakery, which was cute as well.

This was the cake table.  I put all of Jack’s monthly photos into picture frames and displayed them on the table.  They are now hanging on the wall in Jack’s room, so they served two purposes.

I really wanted some sort of baseball cake, so I decided to make my own baseball cupcakes.  I had a hard time finding a fine tip for the icing, but they turned out okay.

This is Jack and his Paw Paw (my stepdad) as the party was getting started.  They were both in their Cardinals jerseys!  It was super cute.  Jack loves his Paw Paw!

We opened presents, but Jack was so tired (he refused to nap that day), he barely kept his eyes open during the present opening.  I hoped that some sugar would wake him up, so it was time for cake again!  He knew exactly what to do

He barely held his head up!  He kept leaning back in the chair!

What?  Do I have something on my face?

 

This is good stuff mom!

Not long after the cake, Jack needed to go take a nap.  So, we put him down to sleep.  Then I got to spend some time with this little beauty.   This is my niece, Miss Ava Lynn.  I kind of love her a lot too!

After a two hour nap, Jack got up and decided that it was time to party…on the neighbors trampoline.  He thought that it was hilarious!  He let Ava jump to bounce him.  Then he started walking all around the edge of the netting.  It was hilarious.  I have a feeling he will love a trampoline when he gets older!

 

If you haven’t been able to tell, his shirt says “I can barely talk and I already hate the Cubs!”.  Yes, I am spreading hate at a young age!  My child will not be a Cubs fan! 

After some time on the trampoline, it was time to go home.  We had a great party and loved seeing all of our family and friends!  This was what Jack looked like about five minutes into our ride home.  He was completely beat! 

All in all, we had a great time celebrating Jack’s party.  Can’t wait to do it again next year.  Don’t worry…I have a theme already!!  Pirate party here we come! 

First Steps...

My little man has been taking his first tentative steps today. It's amazing to watch him look so proud of himself. He won't do it all the time, but he has done it a few times. I can tell that he is just going to take off soon. It's just one more way I can see that my little baby is gone and I now have a toddler in my house. So proud of you little buddy!

One Year Old

Jack Ryan, you are one year old! I have no idea how the time has gone so quickly! What I do know is that I love you more each day!

Mommy loves birthdays, so I wanted to make your first one very special. We started the day by making you chocolate chip pancakes. You have loved pancakes since the first time we gave them to you a few months ago, but this was the first time you have had chocolate chip pancakes. Based on the photo below, I think you liked them a lot!


We had to take the last of the monthly photos. It has gotten harder, and harder to do that! You weren't really having any of it. Daddy likes this next picture because he says you and the monkey have the same look on your face.



You are just so cute!
Well, what are you up to these days?

• You wear a size 3 diaper but are about to move to the size 4 with your next box.
• You love any people food that you can get. Your favorites are eggs, green beans, pancakes, cereal bars, and ravioli.
• You wear size 12 month clothes (and some 18 month onesies just because you are very long).
• You don't walk yet, but I can tell you are getting really close! You cruise along all the furniture and even along the walls.
• You are a total mama's boy right now, which is totally okay with me!
  
• You have tons of toys, but your favorite things to play with are bottles of lotion and empty tylenol containers. You are crazy! I should stop spending money on toys!
• You go to bed between 7 & 8 every night and get up between 7 & 8 in the morning. You take 2 or 3 naps during the day, but they aren't very long...you only sleep for 30 minutes to an hour at a time.
• Lately, you have been doing this bizarre, bizarre thing where you sleep in your crib sitting up. I don't get it. I will have a whole post based on that soon!
• You talk all the time! You babble and speak your own little language. You say mama, dada, bye bye, ball, ba ba (bottle), hi, up, and no (but that one we aren't sure you really say, it just kind comes out).
  
• You love your cousin Rory so much, but he is kind of scared of you!! He likes to show off his muscles, which actually looks like he is getting ready to punch you!
• You also love your cousin Ava. She is more fond of you than Rory is! She says "Ack...PLAY!!!!" because she wants you to come play with her. Okay, this next photo might not look like it, but you two actually do like each other!
• The last time you were at the doctor (last week to have your ears rechecked), you weighed 22 pounds, 13 ounces. I read somewhere that kids normally triple their birth weight during the first year of life. You weighed 7 pounds 14 ounces, so you are almost right on target. You don't go to the doctor for your one year checkup with Dr. Hulsen until June 3, so we will see what your official stats are then!
  
• You have such a hilarious personality. Your favorite game to play right now is to crawl down the hallway (where you aren't supposed to go). When you get to the end of the hallway, you wait for someone to start to follow you and then you laugh hysterically and take off crawling as fast as you can again. You want us to chase you. It's quite cute.
• Most of all....mommy loves you so much!!

We will post more from your birthday soon! We have lots of pictures to share!

One Year Ago Continued

At around midnight on May 19, 2009, my contractions started to get really intense. I am kind of a wuss and don't have a lot of pain tolerance, but they just seemed strong. The funny thing was, the monitor wasn't catching my contractions, but the nurse could feel them, so she knew I wasn't crazy. I was only three centimeters dilated. I did not know how I was going to make it through.

By about 1:30, I was begging for some drugs! I had to wait for a half hour until a bag of fluids was given to me. Then, they called for the epidural. I guess because it was in the middle of the night, we had a nurse anesthesist on call. They told me that only one person could stay, so my lovely husband volunteered to leave the room...awesome. Mom stayed with me and held onto me while this horrible, horrible man jammed this needle into my spine. All would have been fine if he had hit the spot on the first time...but he didn't. He didn't hit it on the second time, the third time, or the fourth time. Finally, on the fifth time, he was "pretty sure" that he got it. So, I laid down, expecting to be able to finally get some sleep. Um, yeah, it soon became very clear the Mr. Drug Man did not in fact "get it". It was horrible. My legs were so numb that I couldn't even lift them, but I was still feeling all my contractions.

All night, they tried to give me some additional things to make me comfortable. I got literally no sleep and pretty much was begging for it to be over. My doctor came in first thing in the morning to check me. At this point I was still only about 4 and a half centimeters, so they upped my potocin to try to move things more quickly. Pretty much all that did was make it hurt more (at least in my mind).

Sometime around 12:30, the anestesiologist came in and started talking about how I only had a "partial block" and that they could try one more thing, otherwise they would have to pull out the epidural and try it again. I opted to try the other medicine. I don't know what it was, but I wish I could have taken some home. I don't remember at least the next hour and a half. At about 2:00, the nurse checked me and I was about an 8. I was hoping that things would move quickly. At 3:00, I had the urge to push, so they called the nurse and had her check me. Sure enough, it was time to push. The nurse the night before had told me that it is not uncommon to push for over an hour. I knew I did not want to do that. So, I pushed...and pushed. They called for the doctor, and apparently I was pushing so well that I had to stop pushing. Um, yeah, that's ridiculous. I honestly couldn't not push. My body was just doing it. I waited, and waited. It was the worst ten minutes ever. Finally my doctor came and told me to push. I think I pushed a couple more times, and he was out.

They put him on my stomach and I remember being in shock. I didn't cry, which surprised me. I looked up at Ryan and he seriously looked like he was going to pass out (he doesn't do well in medical situations, so I was really surprised that he had made it this long). They took Jack to be checked out and cleaned up. I couldn't wait to hold him. They weighed him and told me that he weighed 7 pounds 14 ounces and was 19 inches long. His official time of birth was 3:45pm. I remember looking up and the TV was on in the corner...and it was on Jeopardy! Jack is going to be a smart dude! (Jeopardy is also one of Ryan and my favorite shows).

When he was brought to me, he opened those blue eyes and looked at me. The weight of what I had just been through hit me. I was so overwhelmed. I was so happy and couldn't believe that this little person was mine.

That started one of the craziest, happiest years of my life.

Happy Birthday Jack. I love you more and more each day.

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today, I headed to my OB for my regular checkup. I was nearly 38 weeks pregnant, so I was seeing him every week. Everything seemed fine, but I mentioned that Jack wasn't moving as much as I was used to. I attributed that to the fact that he was getting bigger and running out of room in there! Dr. Hulsen said that I was probably correct but just to be on the safe side, he wanted me to go down to labor & delivery and have a NST (non-stress test). Basically they would strap a monitor to my belly to monitor his heart rate and I would click a button whenever I felt him move. I thought, eh, it's a half hour, I get to sit on a bed and watch some TV and go to work a little later than I thought. No biggie.

I head downstairs. On my way down, I texted Ryan, who was at work, and then call my mom to let her know what I was doing. I get down there, they take me to a room, get me all hooked up and hand me the remote. After about 10 minutes, the nurse comes in and asks me if I have eaten recently. I tell her that I had a little breakfast but that I was planning to eat after my appointment. They give me some juice and cookies to eat. They hoped that it would wake Jack up a little bit. So, I ate the stuff. I was watching the monitor and noticed at one point that Jack's heartrate dropped really low, really quickly. That apparently got the nurses station all in a tizzy because three of them were in my room within a few seconds.

His heartrate rebounded pretty quickly and they indicated that they were going to call my doctor and see what he wanted to do. In the meantime, I was supposed to keep hitting the button if he moved. A few minutes later, the nurse came back and told me that Dr. Hulsen wanted to send me for another test. This would be a half hour ultrasound where they would watch for movement and for breathing motions. This would turn into one of the scariest moments of my life. So, they wheel me down to radiology and start the test. I chatted with the tech and she told me about her little boy. Jack was just not cooperating at all. He was refusing to move. Normally, if I laid on my back, he would get mad and kick me until I rolled onto my side. No such luck. At about the 25 minute mark, she saw some breathing motions. So, he passed that portion of the test, but he wasn't moving. It was at that point that she "saw something" on the ultrasound and asked another person to come in. I tried to not freak out until they were staring at the screen for what seemed like an eternity and then finally said "yeah, it could be. definitely note it in the report." I seriously lost it at this point. I started to cry and told them that they were freaking me out. I'm in this tiny room all alone and I really just wanted my husband and my mom. They told me that it was okay and that it wasn't a big deal and that the doctor would talk to me about it.

At this point, Jack still hadn't moved, so he failed that portion of the test. They wheel me back to the room I had been in and told me that they were going to hook me back up to the monitor until they were able to talk to the doctor and see what he wanted to do. At this point, I just had a feeling that I was not going to be leaving the hospital. I let Ryan know that he needs to come and then call my mom and ask her to come immediately (she was about 5 minutes away and Ryan was over a half hour away). I knew she could get there a heck of a lot sooner than he would. At that point, I just didn't want to be by myself.

So, my mom arrived just before Dr. Hulsen came down to talk to me (his office is actually in the physicians building attached to the hospital...which was quite convenient). He said that based on the fact that Jack's heartrate had dropped and that he wasn't moving, he thought it would be best to try to get him out of there. They were going to induce my labor that day. I asked him about what the techs saw on the ultrasound and he said that he hadn't seen anything in the report, but that he would look again.

So, the plan was for me to get something to eat (I got a lovely sandwich, chips, and an apple) and then at about 5PM, they would start the induction process. Things went well. My mom stuck around for a while and then at about 9PM, she decided that she would go home and try to get some rest since we figured it would be a while before things got going. Well, not long after she left, my water broke (which apparently doesn't usually happen). That made me quite uncomfortable. By 10:30, we were asking my mom to come back up to the hospital. This was the start of a ridiculously long night in my life! I shall continue the story tomorrow!

Another week...

The weather has just been yucky around here lately! I would really love if we could have a weekend withouth rain for once! I really need next Saturday to be nice! We are having Jack's birthday party next Saturday at my mom's house and we really want it to be outside on their nice decks. So, we will see. We have a big week planned. I am working Monday and Tuesday this week. Then Wednesday is Jack's birthday! I cannot believe it! We are having his pictures taken at noon. That evening, my parents, Ryan's parents, and a couple other people are having dinner to celebrate Jack turning the big O-N-E!

Thursday, we are taking Jack to his very first Cardinals game. We got a good deal on tickets ($5 each...woohoo). So, I bought three, even though Jack won't sit in his. I figured we could spread out our stuff a little more. We just need to make it to the end of the fourth inning...I put in a birthday message for Jack, and they are played after the fourth inning. I know that he won't have a clue what is going on with the game, but, he loves watching people, so I think that he will enjoy it for a while.

Friday we don't have any big plans except some baking to get ready for the party on Saturday. I have to pick up Jack's little cake on Friday. The big cake is getting picked up Saturday. I can't wait for his party! I think it's going to be a good time had by all!

So, we are hoping for nice weather on Thursday and Saturday! My baby boy deserves it!

Mother's Day Recap

We had a wonderful time on mother's day. It wasn't necessarily what I expected for my first mother's day, but I also didn't expect my husband to be unemployed. He promised me that he would do better next year, and I know that he will!

Most importantly, I got to spend the day with this guy.


Ah...melt my heart! So cute!

We had a very busy day! We went to Ryan's parents for breakfast and to spend time with his mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law, and nephew. One of the funniest things ever happened while we are there, but I will save that for another post! We had a nice time, but soon it was time to go to my parents for a late lunch.

We spent the afternoon with my mom, siblings, and all the kids. Here I am with my mom and my siblings (my sister Jen is up top with me and then my step-brother Shane and step-sister Mandi are on the bottom).

Jack was a little cranky most of the day, and so was my niece Ava. We wanted to try to get some photos of the two of them together, but it wasn't working. Here is what we got!

Sadly, the photo above was the best shot!


Most of the photos looked like this! Ava was playing bashful and Jack was trying to jump down the stairs. Don't they look like they are the same size? I think it's hilarious that Ava is actually 10 months older than Jack. She is just absolutely tiny! People comment that Jack is big, but I think they are just used to how tiny Ava actually is. She is so small that she's not even on the growth charts for height and weight (as of her 18 month appointment anyway). We will see what they say at her 2 year appointment in a couple months. I am pretty sure she can eat more than I do though!

But, I digress! Mothers Day was lovely! I got to spend time with the people that I love and then got to go out and jog and start my Couch to 5K program. It pretty much kicked my butt. I am so very out of shape! We will be working on that soon enough!

I'll leave you with one more picture. I have lots more to share this week as we lead up to Jack's birthday next Wednesday! I can't believe my baby is going to be one! Slow down time! Slow down!

Happy Mothers Day

Thank you, Jack, for making me a mom.

You have brought me so much joy this year. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. You make me want to be a better person and to make the world a better place for you. You make me laugh every day and make me feel better when I am sad. I love you unconditionally little man. I feel so fortunate to be your mom. I love you.

Baby Names

It's Show Us Your Life Friday over at Kelly's Korner! I very rarely get to participate, but this week is a topic I can talk about! She asked everyone to talk about the baby names they have picked out for future children or how you named your children.

When I found out I was pregnant, my husband and I already had a girl name picked out. I had been in love with this name for many years and Ryan enjoyed it as well. If the baby was a girl, we would name her Olivia Elizabeth. I have no connection to the name Olivia except that I really like that name. I also have a thing with the letter "O'. I'm not sure why. When I was in high school, I decided that I wanted to find someone with the last name Oates to marry because I loved to write that name (that did not happen). Elizabeth is a name that has been passed down for a while. It was my great, great grandmothers middle name and my great grandmothers first name. We called my great grandma, "Grandma the Great One" when I was little. I apparently started it at some point. My middle name is also Elizabeth and I promised my mom that I would carry that name on.

We found out we were having a boy and we were stuck...we didn't have any boy names picked out that we could both agree on. I love names like Aiden but Ryan hates names like that (which he calls trendy). So, we were in a predicament. We knew that we wanted him to have part of Ryan's name (he is Ryan James). The only name that we both liked was Jack (not Jackson, just Jack...which makes me think of Will & Grace...did anyone else love that show??). So, we decided on Jack Ryan for our son. It also worked out...my grandpa, who was one of my favorite people in the world was Neil Joseph, but people called him Joke (I can't remember why, but they did), so Jack is kind of like that. As a side note, grandpa passed away right when I started dating Ryan. I have always had this feeling that my grandpa sent him to me...they have the same birthday.

Now that we have our first child, my mind always thinks of other names that I like. If we have another child someday (right now, I'm perfectly happy with one!! I can't imagine having another child anytime soon), we will be in trouble if it is a boy...we are completely out of ideas for boys. I have come up with another girl name that I am in love with (and that has probably replaced Olivia). If I ever have a girl, I want to name her Claire Elizabeth. I just love that name.

So, that's why we chose our names!