Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Heavy Stuff

Today was a day full of ups and downs. Up because my baby boy slept for five straight hours in his crib like a big boy last night and because he continues to give me the biggest smiles when I get him out of his crib in the morning (it's my favorite part of the day). Down because my secretary was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis today. She got a tentative diagnosis last week, but today she was officially told that it was for sure.

I guess that I don't understand why these things happen to a person as wonderful as Betsy. She is the funniest, most kind-hearted person that I have had the pleasure of meeting. I have to admit, I am not a religious person, but I believe in God. It's times like these that I have a hard time understanding why God can't keep these things from happening. People say that He doesn't give us more than we can handle at any given time, but it just doesn't seem like that is always the case. It absolutely breaks my heart to know the pain that she will have to go through in the coming months and years. She doesn't deserve this.

I'm also personally having a really hard time right now. I just don't feel as happy as I think I should. I realized over the weekend that I think a lot of it has to do with losing my grandma so soon after Jack was born. I was obviously very sad, but, because I had an 11 day old baby, my days were kind of consumed with figuring out how to care for him. I don't think that I really properly grieved the loss and it's really hitting me now. I was at grandma's house last night helping go through some things and price things for a yard sale we are going to have in a few weeks. Just thinking of selling the house that I really grew up in is a concept that I can't even wrap my head around right now. That was always grandma's house. That was always my sanctuary. No matter what was going on in my life, I knew that I could go there and just talk to her (and my grandpa when he was alive)...we could watch a Cardinals baseball game together, or just a game show. She was so neurotic some times, but that made her who she was I guess. I miss her terribly and am devestated knowing that Jack won't know his great grandma Shirley that loved him so much before he was even born. She used to call me while I was pregnant and say "How is my Jack today?" I would respond "Hold on, let me ask him." And she would laugh and ask me if he was kicking a lot. Somehow, he usually was when I was talking to her. She loved babies and I am so glad that she got to meet Jack.

Okay, I am going to spend a little time with my baby boy before he goes to bed for the night.

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