Friday, September 10, 2010

A photo that makes you angry/sad

When I saw this on the list, I knew that there was only one photo I could post.

jack and grandma

This is newborn Jack with my grandma.  This is the last photo ever taken of my grandma.  She passed away less than a week later.  She was so excited to meet her great grandson. 

I have such mixed emotions about this picture.  On one hand, I am so happy that we have it.  I’m so glad that grandma got to meet Jack and was able to hold him.  She loved babies to much and I know that she loved him from the moment I told her I was pregnant.  On the other hand, it makes me so sad because I miss her so much.  She was such a major part of my life and I still have a hard time believing that she is really gone.  It’s been over a year and I still reach for my phone to call her when something happens. 

When someone you love passes away, its strange how random things will make you think of them, or make you sad.  The thing that caught me completely off guard this year was Cardinals opening day.  My grandma was a die hard Cardinals fan.  She started collected the team sets of baseball cards for my two cousins, Matthew and Jonathan.  Every year, the first game I went to, I would buy her those sets of cards.  This year, I went to opening day and was in the team shop.  I thought, “oh, I’m going to ask if they have the team cards yet so I can pick them up for grandma”.  Yeah, I started crying in the team store. 

I know that grandma is watching over Jack everyday and keeping him safe.  I will always treasure this photo, even if it makes me sad to look at it right now.

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